Tomorrow is another day

Today was a bad day. I don't know why really. I guess this weight is finally starting to feel too heavy. No matter how many times I tell myself, or what the doctors say...it's really hard to believe that I have cancer. I don't look sick, I don't feel sick and I feel like I really didn't have a lot of symptoms. I have an appointment tomorrow to get my hair cut. I think I'm going to chicken out. I figured I wanted time to get used to having short hair, since my hair is passed the middle of my back, before it all falls out but now I don't know. I definitely am going to go get some pictures taken with Presley in the morning. I just want some memories before I get chemo because I know that will take a lot of my energy and of course nobody wants to take family pictures when their hair is falling out! She is getting so big!! It's like today, she discovered how to play with her blanket. She played by herself for most of the day today. She would grab a hold of the blanket with both hands, pull it over her head, kick her legs around a bit and then pull it back down. It was so cute to sit and watch her. She did so well playing alone today I actually had time to clean my husbands FILTHY bathroom. I promised myself I wasn't going to clean it for him because I already told him that I wasn't going after the mess he made! I just couldn't take it anymore. All I can say is men are slobs!! I'm just getting really nervous about how I am going to do all this. Once the chemo starts, which will most likely be soon because I'm having my port put in on Thursday, how will I be able to keep up with this house and a baby?? I know my family will help but they can't do it all. My husband definitely needs to step up. To tell you the truth I'm not sure he will. He's not much of a helper. He has a very hard time doing things around the house. I understand since I'm not working now I should assume most of the household duties but now that all this has happened it just simply can't be that way. I guess my sadness today is attributed to all those thoughts. If I can't even get my hubby to pick up after himself in his own bathroom, how am I going to get his help anywhere else? I'm not trying to bash my husband because we all know men aren't much for cleaning but this is special situation where he is going to have to learn and learn fast. I'm thinking of calling a Therapist that I have spoken with a few times and making an appointment for us so we can get a plan in motion for how we are going to deal with life while I'm having chemotherapy. Bottom line, either I get more help or my mom is going to be seeing a lot more of me around her place!! ha ha But seriously, I will do it.
Writing has been so therapeutic for me. Just sitting down these last few minutes and writing about the joys and frustrations of my day has helped me to realize how blessed I am no matter what I'm struggling with and has really helped me think of solutions for things in my life that need work. The more I blog...the more I like it!