Tuesday, April 13, 2010

First time blogging...while Presley sleeps!


Getting diagnosed with lymphoma isn't a quick and easy process. I didn't just wake up one morning with a lump, have it biopsied and get the results the next day...oh no. Getting all the answers was a very long and difficult process and I still don't know everything. So I guess I should start my blog with explaining how this all went down. And it did start with a little swollen lymph node under my left arm. It was there for about a week before I gave birth to my little girl, Presley. It's pretty common to have a lymph node swell due to some type of infection. That's what lymph nodes do, they let us know when we've got something going on in our bodies. So that's what all the doctors pretty much thought...infection. On February 11th, while I was in the hospital having Presley they gave me some antibiotics, which seemed to help but it continued to stay enlarged. In the weeks following her birth not only did it stay enlarged but it was GROWING and extremely sore. I called my doc and let them know and we began to think maybe it wasn't even a lymph node. Maybe since I was breastfeeding what I had going on was just a clogged milk duct! It made sense since we do have breast tissue that extends into our underarms. So I applied some heat with massage and took some Advil over the next few days to see if that would help...no go. It just kept growing! Not to mention started to become extremely painful. So then I began to worry and made an appointment with my doctor right away to have them look at it. The next step was an ultrasound for what we still thought was a milk duct that had maybe turned into an abscess...lymph nodes just don't get that big! Now it’s Tuesday, March 16, I'm about 5 week’s post-partum and this is where it all got really scary. I went in for the ultrasound. It wasn't fluid filled; meaning not a duct and not abscess....it was a lymph node. Next step, they do a mammogram....nothing in the breast causing this node to swell, such as infection or cancer. Right after the mammogram the tech calls me in and tells me that the doc wants to sit in on another ultrasound so she can have a better look. At that point the Doctor pretty much leads me to believe its cancer and that I need to deal with this IMMEDIATELY!!! Luckily, I had my follow up appointment with my OB/GYN in an hour so they sent the results to her and she would tell us where to go from there. So…we see my OB/GYN that same day and she orders an MRI and gives us the positive spin on the whole situation, saying she’s not convinced that it’s cancer and “Let’s not worry until we have to.” I want to say what a blessing it has been to have her as my doctor. Through the whole process of finding out what this was, she has called me continually to check on me. Sometimes on her personal phone or nights after she has already left the office. She's amazing! So we get the results from the MRI a couple days later, which tells us that it's definitely a lymph node and there are others surrounding it that are inflamed. Next step...surgeon. So it's now Thursday and we have an appointment set for the following Tuesday, March 23rd with the surgeon. By Friday the thing has almost doubled in size. With advice from my doctors we head to the emergency room because there is just no one in the surgeons office to see us and I’m thinking I just don’t want this thing to burst. So of course we wait in the ER for about 5 hours on a Friday night, they do some blood work, give us some antibiotics to try to get it to shrink and send us on our way. Now Tuesday rolls around and not only did the lump not shrink but now the skin cover the lump has begun to get really sore and become an open wound. I go to the appointment and as soon as the surgeon lays eyes on it he said "that’s got to come out." So the next afternoon, it did. All they could tell us after the surgery was that the mass was "abnormal" which we already knew!! So about 12 days later on April 5th we get the results....LYMPHOMA. Anaplastic Large Cell which is in the non-Hodgkin category. I was home alone, holding Presley when I got the news. When I looked at her I started to cry. I hadn't really cried about all this before then. I had been strong and extremely positive and in the 12 days of waiting for results had told myself "if it were cancer they wouldn't take this long to get the results to us." But I was wrong and to be honest I had a feeling all along that it was cancer but just didn't want to say it out loud. Presley is so tiny and needs me...all of me. Not just what I can give her in between appointments with doctors and chemo treatments. How the heck am I going to do this?? Sure I have a ton of family and friends to help but I don't want to miss out!! I want to be there to take care of her every second, I want to continue breastfeeding her, I want be a mom to her...a mom without cancer!!! Today is Tuesday April 13, 2010 and I have an appointment with my oncologist at 4:30 to get all the details; what stage I'm in, how much treatment I'll need, how long I'll have to have treatment, my chances of having another baby after chemo and I'm sure a million other things that are going to be hard to hear. I guess I could be asking God, why me? Or I could be mad at him...but I'm not. I know God doesn't promise me that I'll have a perfect life just because I believe in him. All I know is that he has blessed me beyond measure the day Presley Grace came into this world and no burden can ever come close to taking away the joy I have in her. So that's what this blog will be, an account of my life with Presley…everything she will be doing in this first year that is going to be amazing and my battle with Lymphoma. Since I'm going to have a lot more going on this year than I thought, I don't want Presley to get lost in my medical issues. So I will keep all her memories here for her in case I'm tired and don't remember as well as I should. I’ve never written a blog before and to be honest never thought I would but I never thought I would ever have to battle with cancer either!! So I guess 2010 is a year for things you’d never thought you do! So this is the beginning of Lymphoma and Lullabies.

2 comments:

  1. A great post for what is building up into a great blog...

    I started from the top and worked my way down and I love your writing and the blog. I hope you keep it up.

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  2. what a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing such a personal journey. Your writing and outlook is just beautiful. I wish you the best and please know you will be in my prayers. God Bless You!

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