Suntans, Tattoos and Radiation...What??

It feels like years since I last wrote on my blog! I guess the past week I haven't had much to say or I've felt so horrible I didn't feel like saying it. This second treatment was definitely worse and for some reason this week seemed worst than the last week! I think its because this past week I didn't have someone here with me at all times to help so I became really worn down taking care of Presley. I've been feeling more angry than usual with the fact that I can't do all the things with her that I would like. Also, the fact that I am just anticipating the third treatment now to be horrible because this one was so bad. It's really been getting me down to think that this is not even almost over for me yet. I just want to be back to normal so bad that I end up doing things that I shouldn't, like going for a walk when I'm really not up for it, then I wear myself out and end up nauseous. Plus the fact that my brain does not work anymore! I made all the effort to get to the PET scan I thought I had this morning at 7:30 just for them to tell me I had the dates wrong and it's not until Wednesday morning at 7:30!!! Now I have to do that all over again. On top of my brain being messed up from pregnancy, now I have chemo brain!! It wasn't all a loss because I had see a Radiologist at 9am anyway. The radiologist went over all the pluses and minuses of treatment then tells me that I have to have a month of radiation on the area under my arm to help kill all the cancer and prevent it from spreading. Here is the crazy part...it's one treatment a day, Monday through Friday for 3 1/2 to 4 weeks! She totally blew me out of the water when she said a month. I was told at the very beginning that I would most likely have to have radiation but had forgotten about it through all this. Just when I thought I was almost done, they tack another month on! The whole process is pretty crazy. Before you start treatment you have this long appointment where they go through and map out all your days with you so it fits your schedule. Then they custom fit this covering to go over my body to shield the certain parts from the radiation as well as giving me some custom "dot" tattoos so they can mark exactly where they want to place the radiation. Each day I go it should only take 15 minutes for the treatment. The actual radiation part only lasts a couple of minutes though. I also will get a tan in the immediate spot and maybe even burned but the burning will be minimal. It was a little disappointing to hear that I'd have to go through all that but then she said that the chemo combined with the radiation will give me over a 90% cure rate. So I can't be too upset after hearing that! The biggest risk with the radiation is the fact that they can't fully avoid my breast tissue which will give me a higher chance of getting breast cancer in my lifetime. I didn't know this but all of us women have about an 11% chance of getting breast cancer in our lifetime and mine will just be a little higher. So in the long run, I'll just have to start getting a mammogram every year starting in my early thirties instead of forties. Oh well. I can't worry about everything and I am going to take that bit of information and tuck it away in head but try and not dwell on it.
On the bright side, Presley is being so precious right now! She has this chair that has a mobile thing that goes over it and she has gotten really good at grabbing the rings and toys with her hands. Now she has moved on to grabbing them with her feet! It is so cute! The toy in the middle make noise when you pull it so that's the one she always tries to get her little feet in to pull it. She is totally amazing to me. Another plus is I got her quite a few cute outfits today along with her very first bathing suit! That was a huge purchase. It felt like such a big purchase because she never seemed like she would be old enough to take out in the sun and actually do something with her. She was so fragile and tiny when she was first born and I was extremely protective of her the first 6 weeks of her life. It wasn't until all my medical issues started that I actually took her out. I guess having a million doctors appointments every week kind of threw me into leaving her with other people and taking her out in public. I used to be so paranoid about everything. Now I'm just accepting that she is in God's hands and as long as I pray for her every day and do the best I know how, that's all I can do.